Under Pressure

After spending a week with family over the holidays, my husband’s and my takeaway is that we’re being shamed for not having children yet. We’ve been married for two years and the pressure to adopt or go the surrogacy route is crazy immense. Someday we would like to consider it, but not today and today is filled with demands and questioning as to why.

Questioning a couple as to when they will expand their family is frankly wrong and at times can be unintentionally insensitive. There are a lot of reasons why couples remain childless and those reasons should never be questioned. Maybe it’s timing, maybe it’s lack of desire or maybe there’s a fertility issue… regardless, it’s a topic that shouldn’t be addressed in a frivolous manner at a holiday gathering because the answer could provide for an awkward moment leaving the couple experiencing not-so-great feelings. The best response is one like, “It’s very flattering you believe we’ll be rock stars at the parenting thing… some day perhaps, but not today.” followed with a smile and a topic change.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year and with Valentine’s Day coming I feel like I’m being pressured to propose. I’m not ready to take that step and even if I were I’d never pop the question on Valentine’s Day. How do I give her a great Valentine’s Day without ruining it for her because she’s not getting a ring?

You give her anything it takes to make her feel loved, respected and cherished, and then you give a little more just to secure the deal. You could also make it clear to her that you’re deliriously happy on the road you’re sharing as a committed couple. Tell her and show her that you know where the road is leading and that your journey means everything.